"Erotic blogging is so 2009.."

Thanks to the magazine 'Company', Georbgie and I came to the conclusion that I should be the X-Rated Carrie Bradshaw of this generation and, since "erotic blogging is so 2009", I've decided to release my inner horny bitch through the delight of a blog. Now, let me whisk you away into a land where candy floss is an urban term for pubic hairs, and where ice cream can be put in a microwave..

A day in the life of Michael
Once upon a time, a pubic hair roamed the body. I was that pubic hair. I was having fun with my many, many friends around the testicles when I suddenly stopped. I noticed a shaven cave coming down on me and the boys. It smelt funny-- sort of cod-like, or maybe scampi-- I couldn't put my finger on it. The sea creature cave jumped onto Master Herald and I heard a strange grunting noise; oh my god, the big guy upstairs is having sex! It was that time of the month when his wife actually shags him. This was a rare occurrence for all of us, so we were not really used to it, especially tall ol' Pete, who seems to always be as tall as a tower and pulled at on a regular basis. The fishy cave that seemed to be forced onto us at an increasing rate suddenly slowed, and strange gasps could be heard.
"Oh shit, that's my wife!" God yelled. He suddenly stood up, causing all of us to be forced down by gravity at an impossible rate. He started rummaging around and putting his trousers on-- oh no, he forgot his boxers-- and started doing up the zip. Ow, ow! He got a load of us caught in the zip. I managed to escape, but Bertie wasn't so lucky. He got pulled up by the force of the zip, and as much as we tried to grab onto him, we couldn't save him. He was one of my poker buddies. I sure will miss him.

The truth behind Georbgie's mind
Bob and I had to stop 'making tea' as soon as we heard his wife come in. We started getting dressed abruptly, and I had to do the classic climb-out-of-his-window-and-roll-down-the-hill-into-a-rose-bush trick. Quite painful, really. I climbed into my car, drove home and immediately dived onto my bed. My hand slipped under the waistband of my skirt and reached for my pussy eagerly. I carried on from where I was:
Bob walked into the room, wearing a tight leather policeman's outfit that cupped his balls in a delicate yet manly manner. Following Lee were his five friends dressed as an Indian, a cowboy, a builder, a sailor and a frying pan. In turn, they each shagged/bummed/played snap with her. The others left her in the room alone with the builder Lee, her pussy dripping wet. It was beyond the slipperiness of a bar of soap now; it was like a soap and wet fish factory. She reached out for his throbbing 'pens' and gripped it tightly. She put it into her mouth and suddenly clenched her teeth around it. He let out a tight yelp, so she continued. After snapping his cock off, she spat it out and put it above the fire place with the other penises.
"Shoo!" I ordered him, urging for him to send the next one in.
Ahh, that would be the best gang bang ever..

{Assisted by Saffi and Georbgie}